In the event of my demise, these are things you will need to know. This is not your first exposure to this information, or even your fifty-first, it is just that while I was alive and prophesying on a daily basis, ye would not hear.
1. Peanut butter beFORE jelly.
2. Catsup is not a vegetable. And the preferred spelling is 'catsup.' Not only because that's what it looks like, and not necessarily because Webster or any other lexicographer says so.
3. $1.99 is two dollars, not one.
4. To spend the time for a math assignment on scheming what to do with the time left over if you get this done in the next fifteen minutes...is bad arithmetic.
5. Do not stack dishes to be washed any higher than you would run the dishwater. It doesn't make sense. Disobey, and I shall haunt you.
6. You start the boiling of potatoes FIRST, unless you want to eat them for dessert.
7. You may not play with my dollhouse.
8. If you really want to know which of you was my favorite, think about who went to bed the most readily.
9. Homeschooling you all did not drive me to my grave. It actually kept me alive - God's honest truth.
10. Brush your teeth WITH TOOTHPASTE.
11. I have no money to leave you. Leave the floorboards and the mattresses alone.
12. The secret to ginger snaps is underbaking them just a bit.
13. Read books. Made of paper. By real writers. Start with all the ones I owned.
14. Soup is good food.
15. Be nice to each other for a change...the way you are nice to your friends.
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